Happy New Year to everyone! It’s been a while since I last wrote something on this blog, mostly because I didn’t want to force myself to create something I wasn’t truly happy with, and I think that’s actually a good thing. I do have several drafts that need writing, but they all require some research on the topics. Especially when it comes to artificial intelligence and figuring out who has been doing studies on what.

The past two weeks have felt endless, probably because I’ve spent the last 14 months on an intense mission at work to deliver for high-priority clients. It has been both maddening and soul-crushing. I’ve ended up spending more time playing games than doing any recreational writing, mostly because my head just hasn’t been in the right place. This year, my main focus is clear: prioritizing mental health above everything else.

Over the past 14 months, I’ve received a lot of praise, mostly from coworkers. Trying to design things and create an implementation plan often leaves me feeling drained, since I’m just one person and every day brings a new high-priority task. I don’t see myself as a good leader, just a guy with some knowledge, far from perfect. It can be disheartening that so many people rely on me, someone who sometimes struggles with anxiety attacks or feels awkward in social situations. I wish people wouldn’t put me on such a high pedestal. I do my work, sure, but I don’t need constant praise. It’s hard for me to accept that I might actually be doing something positive because deep down I feel like I haven’t done enough.

I broke the record for the first time in my life in video games. I’ve spent around 750-800 hours alone in single player games. I needed to… or I had to find something to distract my mind after my work hours. That’s a lot of hours alone.

Thus… if it wasn’t for amazing games like Enshrouded / No Man’s Sky / The Last Caretaker I think I would be in an incredibly bad position, mental health-wise.

The only thing I desire this year is mental health.